This seems to happen all the time.

Why is it when ia m starting to feel good about things the past comes up? Not that I seek this out but for some reason it haunts me. The past is nothing more then a learning tool for me at this point and a guide to know where I have been and where I need to go.

I can’t understand why my hurt has never healed. One phone call is all that it takes. One phone call and my protection my thick outer coat crumbles to a frail and weak emotional state.

I understand that I am getting this way cause the “wound” has merely “scabbed” over. Just that one phone call or that one word sets me off in a crying fit.

These emotions are so hard to control and grasp.

I understand a big contributor to being emotional is (yes I am goanna use this card) the method of birth control I am using. One of the major side effects is depression.

I am getting better with not keeping these feelings these emotions in and pushing them down. I am actually becoming vocal and sharing how I feel. Sometimes it is so hard to sit there and tell someone that hurt you so bad that it hurts and it is not ok.

I still return to the “it is ok” to make that person feel better. In away it is like me say yes it is ok that you hurt me deep and that my feelings and self have been damaged by your irresponsibility. It almost feels as if it hurts more to say it is not ok. I almost feel that saying it is not ok is like saying I been living this horrible lie my whole life. I guess I have been.

I guess I am just tired of feeling these things and feel that it well over due to start to put the “Neosporin” over my “scab” to make it heal.

Sorry for the depressing post if you need cheering up after this please go to this site