I find it harder and harder to wake up in the morning. I am one of these people that does not reach deep, restful sleep easily. Oh the many stories Paul could tell you of me sleeping with my eyes open, talking, hitting, and well frankly, just dreaming aloud.
I blame it on the bed! I can't reach REM because the bed will feed on my brain waves. It is alive, I swear it.
What no one told you is that your bed is alive. They are not made in factories like you thought. Once the creatures known as mattress were gathered in great forests by gnomes. The gnomes would round them up, like wild horses, and tame and train them. Now things are a bit more civilized. The beds are raised at bed farms and once they reach the right size they ship them out to stores near you.
Because they have been tamed and live in captivity they lay flat and don't move much.
But here is the part that makes my nights rough.
You know how when it is time to get up but you just can't? The bed is so cozy, the sheets are so soft and smooth, the pillow so fluffy. How can you leave a bed like this? That is mere bed trickery! Bed Voodoo!
Once you fall asleep and you have reached REM the bed sucks your dreams and feeds on them. When you awake to the bed being so cozy, all you want to do is just go back to sleep -- don't. It is just a trick! The bed will do anything to get you to lay back down and sleep so it can gorge itself more.
I know its tricks so I fight it in my dream world. My lashing out in sleep is me fighting the warm embrace of the bed. My dreaming aloud is so the bed can't suck my dreams out. My sleeping with my eyes open is me trying to trick the bed into thinking I am awake!
OH BEWARE BEDS OF THE WORLD. I am on to you – oh, I am on to you.
