The sleepless night of the living dream

Can’t sleep. May be it was all the sugar I had today.

I been sitting here thinking about things that I do not need to be thinking of. I went to my alumni site. Found my graduation pictures. Found pictures of school projects.

I realized something tonight, I miss it. !!!

The rush of the few hours before a show, the rush of making sure everything is perfect. The rush of not knowing what the night will bring, God the nervous butterflies of “will I do it right this time”

I miss trying to be perfect. I miss the knowing what it takes to put this show on. I miss seeing the people and the looks in their eyes of an awesome show.

What happened to my dream? What happened to my drive? What happened to getting off my ass moving out of Maryland and making something of myself.

Where is that dream now?

In a restaurant prying that these people will take mercy on me and tip me well.

Looking at this makes me feel like a big let down. A big shame, to myself and family.

What happened to my drive? Why can’t I get up off my ass and do something about this dream? Why can’t I follow it?

God did I give up the last chance I had to make my dream happen.

What am I doing?

I realize sometimes to move forward we have to take a step back.

But then when I really think of what I want out of life things come into prospective.

I know that all I really want in life is a few things

1. a nice house
2. friends
3. a good job
4. one day have children
5. to be in a loving and caring relationship

I know these things will make me happy in the end. They will make me happier then any lonely small bunk on a bus would. Or that excitement I get right before a show.